All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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