Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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