she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
