I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
