fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
