I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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