i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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