He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
