I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
