Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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