Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
