WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
