you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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