And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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