So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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