There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
