Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
