i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
