dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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