We named our party play list daddy issues
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
