I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
