last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
