Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
