well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
