I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
is that a dick in a sweater?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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