how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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