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i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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