She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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