i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
