My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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