worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
