Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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