he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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