you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize