Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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