Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
