yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
