Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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