I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
