mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
