No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize