I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
