i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
