my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize