i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize