some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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