I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
