I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize