I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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