it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
