i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was confusing and full of hummus
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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