ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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