This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
