when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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