If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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