He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
