fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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