butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
