Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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