Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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