the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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