I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
