I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The air taste purple.
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