There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize