Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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