Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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