Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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