I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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