my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
