If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
