how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize