wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
