The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
