there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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